My dog Roxy–totally responds to urges for ice when she hears the dispenser!
What is an urge? An urge is an intense desire, caused by your thinking. I use the word “urge” interchangeably with craving–a more common word for a desire to eat food when you aren’t hungry. I prefer to use the word “urge” because it is more broad than “craving”–as it encompasses the desire for having seconds, the desire to eat sweet or salty items, the desire to eat when you are bored/sad/confused/tired, or just eating any type of food when you aren’t physically hungry.
Often we say that we just couldn’t help it–we feel out of control around food, like we are eating against our will. The truth is that we have a thought about the food and the emotional response feels very “urgent” that we must obey. Our brains are pretty sure we might die if that urge is not answered! We respond then by overeating. This overeating gives us an immediate reward then–just perpetuating the “thought error” cycle. When you have an urge or craving, and you immediately reward it, it intensifies.
The key then is to allow the urge to be there, without rewarding it–and watch it dissipate! When we stop this urge/reward cycle, eventually the urge will go away.
We have all heard of Pavlov’s dog studies where he conditioned dogs to salivate for food upon hearing the ringing of a bell. What you may not know, is that he went on to decondition the dogs. He would ring the bell and NOT give the food. The dog would still salivate. This was repeated over and over until the dog stopped salivating at the ringing of the bell. This is called reconditioning or counter-conditioning. He even managed to decondition the salivation by presenting the food and then taking it away without allowing the dog to eat it.
Although I know we as humans are smarter than dogs, we can learn a lot from this study. We want to be able to “ring the bell” and not respond by eating the food. THIS is allowing urges. We want to be able to notice the food and not eat it. We want to notice our desire and not feel the urgency to eat. This is allowing urges and it leads to the ultimate food freedom. You don’t have to get rid of all your “trigger foods” or never go out with friends or never be in the room when someone is eating dessert. You simply can notice you have an urge and not reward it.
How exactly do we get to this point? Let me assure you, it’s not by use of willpower. We learn to actually allow the urge to be present and not respond.
A good analogy here is a tantruming toddler. Here’s how Brooke Castillo describes it:
“Think of the toddler in the grocery store, screaming for candy. If you reward the screaming with the candy, the toddler learns that screaming is an effective way to get what they want. If we resist the toddler, if we argue and scream right back, then we become exhausted and eventually give in.
“When we allow the toddler to have their fit, allow the urge, without reacting or trying to get the kid to stop crying, when you allow it to do what it does without complying or resisting, it will eventually stop. This is exactly what we need to do with our urges.”
We must stop complying with the toddler in our brains. Just allow your brain to have the tantrum. Notice that it’s there, but don’t reward it nor push it away. As you consciously allow it to remain, it will extinguish itself and eventually go away.
You can processing an urge the same way you would process any feeling such as anxiety, boredom, or stress. You name it–call it out–I feel you desire! Give it a location in the body–do you feel it in your chest? sitting heavy in the pit of your stomach? racing through your limbs? Does it feel like it’s moving fast or slow? Does it have a color?
The more you can identify about the feeling, the more you will recognize that it is just that–a feeling. It’s not actually going to hurt you if you feel it instead of covering it up with some food.
Try it! Try just allowing the urge to be present instead of answering it with food. If you need some help understanding this process, be sure to schedule a call with me. I’d love to help you through it. Click the button below!
