Which one are you? Have-Do-Be. OR Be-Do-Have.
Have-Do-Be mentality says “When I HAVE the goal weight I desire, I will DO what I dream of (go on vacation, enjoy my kids more, have a better sex life, etc.) and then I’ll BE happy.”
If you are the type of person that has this mentality, you will always wait for your circumstances to change (the having) in order to act a certain way (the doing) and feel a certain way (the being). The trouble is that our circumstances–the neutral facts of our life–are rarely under our control. This is the weather, our spouse and kids behavior and choices, illness, quarantines etc. We don’t get to control these things–even our children. They get to make their own decisions and we get to choose what we thing and how we act–what we do!
If you decide to wait until your weight is at the “magic number” in order to do the activities you want, you miss out on BEING the person you want to be. This is the grass is greener on the other side of the fence type of philosophy.
You might notice this with your kids too. “When I graduate from high school then I’ll get to do what I want in college and then I’ll be happy.” Inevitably this turns into “When I graduate from college and get a good paying job, then I’ll really be happy.” And follow that up with “When I move up in this company, I’ll be paid more and then I’ll be happy.” and on, and on, and on. I once knew a guy who was waiting until he had a million dollars saved in the bank before he got married. He was in his early 40s and still not married. This is a major Have-Do-Be philosophy. He was waiting to share his life with someone and BE a husband and father until he HAD a certain amount of money. (Now if you don’t want to get married that’s fine–but this guy did. He was just putting it off until he had a certain set of circumstances.)
I encourage a Be-Do-Have mentality. This looks like starting with our thoughts and feelings.
BE happy. DO the things in life that reflect that happiness, and you will HAVE everything you’ve ever wanted.
How does this go with weight loss? We start by loving who we currently are. We choose thoughts that promote feelings of happiness and love. We then take action based on those thoughts and you end up having everything you ever wanted! Which usually includes the health body you desire! How in the world does that work? Because we take more effective actions from a place of love for our bodies than a place of loathing.
Are you more likely to exercise when you are having good and kind thoughts about your body or when you are hating your body? Are you more likely to choose a healthy meal when you believe that you are fat and gross or when you believe that you are worthy and worth taking care of? When we start with the BEING or the thoughts, we will take the actions to fuel the actual results we want. This is the DOING. The result then is reaching our goals and HAVING the body we desire.
Ultimately we believe that once we lose the weight, we will be happy. But my friends your brain comes along with you. If you choose to wait to be happy until the scale shows a certain number, you will find something else wrong with your body and/or your life.
The Be. Do. Have model is truly just another form of the Self Coaching model I teach. It’s the magic to live. Be who you want now. Think the powerful thoughts now. Don’t wait. That’s the fastest and only way to have everything you’ve dreamed of!
