What do public speaking and chocolate have in common? They can both teach you how to process emotions.
Have you ever had to speak in public? How did that feel? Statistically speaking it’s a pretty common fear. (Glossophobia is the term for it–in case you’re wondering!)
Usually though, you say out loud or just to yourself “I’m really nervous.” And then you go ahead and give your speech or presentation, while feeling nervous. I find it so interesting that the first step I teach my clients in processing an emotion is to name it.
When we acknowledge that “hey you know what? I’m pretty nervous about this public speaking thing,” we actually make it just a bit easier. When we push those nerves down and say “don’t be nervous,” we actually make it worse. Just naming the emotion and being aware that it’s there, and doing the thing anyway, is so powerful.
What if you did this with chocolate? What if you said “hey you know what? I’m craving chocolate right now.” And then just do your thing anyway–fold the laundry, write the emails, be the parent–all while noticing you are craving chocolate. Just calling it out will have power. Don’t push it down.
The second step is to become aware of where it is in body. Do you feel it sitting in your stomach? Is it racing around your extremities? Is it a heaviness in your chest? Really identify where you feel it. Emotions or feelings are simply vibrations in the body, as a result of our thoughts. Emotions can’t actually hurt you. So spend some time noticing how they move through your body. Really pay close attention.
In the public speaking example, we usually say “I have butterflies in my stomach.” You notice how that nervous feeling exists in your body. It’s a fluttering high in my stomach area, sometimes dropping down lower, but always flitting and fluttering pretty quickly. How would you describe the craving for chocolate? I notice my cravings actually run through my arms in sort of an antsy way, sometimes even ending with my hands moving around. I feel like they won’t calm down without the chocolate.
The third step is to then allow the feeling to be present in the body. Clients ask if they just have to sit on the couch and feel the emotion. Nope you don’t! Just like when you are public speaking, you keep doing what needs to be done. You go about your day. You are nervous AND you give your speech. You are craving chocolate AND you are making dinner. You are feeling anxious AND you are writing emails for work. You can feel the feelings as you continue doing other things. You allow the feeling and you don’t give in to it. You don’t just sit down in the middle of your speech because you are nervous. You don’t eat the chocolate just because your brain offered you the idea. You allow the feeling to be in your body. (Read here and here for more on this topic).
You know this to be true when you consider your speech. Were you thinking “I’m soooo nervous!” the whole time, AND continuing to talk anyway? I’m guessing you did. You allowed yourself to be nervous and you gave your talk anyway.
You know this works. You’ve done this exact process of processing your emotions the last time you had to give a talk–you just didn’t know you were doing it. You can do it with any emotion.
Here’s the summary:
- Name the emotion.
- Identify how it behaves in your body.
- Allow it to be there.
If you’d love help walking through this process, hop on a free call with me and I’ll send you my worksheet that goes with this process!
