I often tell my clients I don’t want them using willpower. Willpower is like a muscle–it fatigues. This is why we don’t start a “new diet” and then have chocolate cake for breakfast (usually!). We have eggs for breakfast, salad for lunch and chicken and broccoli for dinner. Then we have chocolate cake. Lots of chocolate cake. This is because you’ve used willpower all day to not eat the chocolate cake. And your willpower simply runs out.
When you are using willpower you are pushing down the urge** to eat the chocolate cake (or bag of chips, or donut, etc.–anything not on your plan–I’m just going to use cake in this example!). You are essentially trying to hold a beach ball under water. You push and you push and push and tell yourself not to even think about the cake. But by so doing, you automatically think about it. Your brain does not register the “don’t” in the sentence “don’t think about the cake.” You know this to be true because after reading this sentence, you have now conjured up a picture of cake. Am I right? 😉
By the end of the day, after making roughly 60,000 decisions (yes that’s what scientists tell us is the number of decisions we make in a day!), your brain is tired of holding down the beach ball. You let go and you eat the cake. But when you let go of that beach ball, after holding it down, it generally shoots sky high. Chances are you end up eating more cake than you intend to.
This is willpower. Trying to not think about the cake, pushing down the desire, and eventually tiring. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but surely at some point. If you are using just sheer will to get through a “diet” you eventually will give in to your urges.
Commitment looks different. Commitment says “I want something in the future more than I want something right now.” Commitment does not give in to the “now appeal” the world offers us. Commitment allows the urge to be present. When we are in commitment, we actually acknowledge the urge for the chocolate cake. Instead of pushing it down under the water, we allow it to be floating next to us. We say “Oh hey there chocolate cake. I see you. I notice my brain and my taste buds think you are a good idea. I’m committed to my future goals so I’m not going to choose you right now.” (Read those linked blog posts if you don’t know what now appeal/delay and allowing urges looks like!)
I know it’s subtle. I know it might even sound hippy-dippy! But the way you think about the cake will truly make all the difference. Being present with the emotion of desire and letting it bump up against you, like the floating beach ball, is actually different than pushing it under the water. When you allow that urge to float next to you like the beach ball, it will soon float away.
When your commitment is epic, you will always be able to go to that as a source. But watch your brain that you don’t use that commitment to your goal to then push away your urge! Don’t use commitment as a way to be in willpower.
Willpower pushes down an urge. Commitment acknowledges the urges, is present with it and allows it to go unanswered.
The difference between commitment and willpower is the difference between allowing and resisting an urge.
Have questions? I can help you learn to process your urges and allow them to go answered. Schedule a time to chat with me by clicking the button below!
**remember “urge” is defined as the desire to eat when you aren’t physically hungry. Often I use sweet foods as examples, but it could be any food that is presented as an option to eat when you don’t feel physical hunger, including too much volume of food.
Special thanks to my daughters–one for being my model and one for being my photographer!
