Do you say this “It is what it is”? Do you hear others say it? What do you think it means?
Here’s what I think it means–it’s a statement of acceptance and yet defeat. It says here is the way things are and there is nothing I can do about changing it. It’s an acceptance of limitations.
I’m all for noticing what are circumstances that don’t change. I’m all for noticing that other people’s behavior, natural disasters or appliances spontaneously breaking are out of our control. What I’m not for is the defeat.
When you say “it is what it is” how do you feel? When I say it, I feel down. I feel defeated. I feel discouraged.
I mostly feel disempowered.
I want to always feel like I can make a difference, like I have choices and like I can make a change. I believe we always have choices.
When we think thoughts or makes statements (which are just verbal thoughts!) we have feelings or emotions that are created. When I feel defeat or disempowered, I don’t end up taking massive action to move toward my goals. I usually sit around in indecision or wallow in pity. I am not feeling confident or motivated.
Maybe this statement doesn’t produce the same feelings it does for me.
But when my clients say it I always ask them how they feel. Most of the time they think they are just “accepting reality” but the emotion they end up identifying is defeat.
Pay attention the next time you or someone you are with says this. How does it make you feel? Ask yourself if that feeling is one that promotes action and results that you desire in your life?
What could you think or say instead that makes you feel more empowered?
What thoughts do you have recurring that aren’t producing the results you want? Book a free strategy session with me and we’ll figure them out together!
