Does this sound like you?
- I just hate my body. I have got to eat better.
- I have ugly thighs. I should work out more.
- I can’t believe I’ve let myself get to this weight. I’m disgusting. I should do something about it.
- If only I had more self-control, I wouldn’t be so overweight.
We all have had some negative thoughts about our bodies. It’s typical of women who have tried to lose weight. Plus we think it’s productive. We think that if we hate our bodies enough, then we will change. If we just keep on telling ourselves we should change and be different somehow–thinner, fitter, prettier, we would be better.
This does not work. Again for those in the back–this NEVER works.
You cannot hate yourself healthy. You may be able to hate yourself into an eating disorder. You may be able to hate yourself into a super restrictive diet for a while. But this is not what you want.
What you want is to love yourself. And be healthy–mentally and physically.
We think we will love ourselves when we reach the goal. When I reach my goal weight I will be happy. When I stop eating sugar I will finally feel good about myself. When I exercise and have more defined muscles I will be confident. What we think is going to happen is that we will change our circumstance (our weight or our bicep measurement) and then we will feel happy.
Sorry folks–that’s not how it works. You bring your brain along with you. When you see that “right” number on the scale, you will decide your thighs should still be smaller. When you see that bicep development, you will notice your butt isn’t quite right. You will still be coming from that space of hate and loathing for yourself. If you don’t love your body now, you won’t love it then, no matter what it looks like. This is because you bring your same brain along and you will always notice something is wrong. That’s your brains job–to look out for wrong things. You’ve got to get your brain on board beforehand.
This looks like creating the feeling you want now and working toward your goal from that feeling.
How is that done?
Thinking the thoughts that create the feeling you want. In this case we want to think thoughts that promote the feelings of confidence and happiness. This will be different for everyone, but here is an example: (for a review of CTFAR see here, here and here)
C: my body
T: I exercise because I love to see what my body is capable of.
F: confidence
A: continue exercise routine, add new exercises, try new workouts.
R: notice changes in body and its abilities.
See how this result proves the thought about what the body is capable of! Amazing stuff I promise!
This is in stark contrast to how most of us try to do it. Maybe your current model look like this:
C: my body
T: I’m disgusting and out of shape.
F: discouraged
A: sit on couch, research workouts you “should” do but never actually do them, eat
R: body doesn’t change.
Do you see how this thought is not helpful? You might be thinking yes but then I get motivated because I’m so “gross.” The feeling of motivation does not come from the thought “I’m disgusting.” It comes from a different thought like “but maybe I could change.” You’ve switched to a different thought and thus a different model with a different result.
When we get motivated or feel confident or happy, we are feeling this emotion from a thought that is more loving:
Maybe I could change.
I know I feel stronger when I exercise.
I am totally capable of eating on plan today.
This might take a while to reach my goals, but I’m all in.
Here’s where you realize that we change from a space of love, not loathing. Lasting change comes from strong loving thoughts–get your brain on board with loving yourself FIRST! It’s from that space that you will lose weight, end your obsession with dieting and reach your health goals.
I know I can help you do it. Book a free strategy session with me and I’ll show you how to love yourself into reaching your goals!
